Unless you count the cast of Jersey Shore, alien cultures have not actually invaded Earth yet. Itrsquo;s all the creative territory of television, movies, comic books, and paranoid hippies who have smoked a pound of grass a day for twenty years. Still, in case aliens ever do invade us for real, we all better pray theyrsquo;re on the intellectual level of these five fictional invaders. If they are, then we will officially have nothing to worry about, as aliens like these couldnrsquo;t successfully invade a preschool, never mind a whole planet. 1. The Monstars (Space Jam) Do you remember the movie Space Jam? If so, just run head-first into a stone wall a few dozen times. There. Takes care of that little problem, now doesnrsquo;t it? The basic premise behind this movie is that tiny little pipsqueak aliens are threatening to steal the Looney Tunes away from us for their own amusement. For reasons that only they fully comprehend, the Tunes put their freedom on the line in a pick-up basketball game. Just like how George Washington and his soldiers dunked on the heads of the British to gain freedom for America! Thomas Jefferson had a mean jumpshot, we hear. Sadly, the aliens quickly realize that being tiny will do them no good against a whole bunch of Tunes much bigger than they, so they use their alien powers to steal the athletic ability of several NBA superstars such as Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing. This not only transforms them into pretty good basketball players who werenrsquo;t quite good enough to win a title, but also turns them into gargantuan, overly muscled monstrous freaks: [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="Almost like this was an NBA game, really."][/caption] The Tunes, realizing theyrsquo;re screwed now, recruit Michael Jordan to play for them, and herersquo;s where the Monstars are revealed to be incompetent morons who canrsquo;t be trusted with anything. At the time of the movie, Jordan was retired, but only recently so: he was still the greatest player on Earth by leaps and bounds. Why did the Monstars not steal his ability then? Perhaps he was too busy filming another underwear commercial for the aliens to even notice him. But they couldrsquo;ve searched at least a little bit, because now hersquo;s on the other side, ready to throw down with cartoon rabbits and ducks backing him up. Unless yoursquo;re actually brain-dead, you know what happens: Jordan and the Tunes win the game after posting an amazing 40-point comeback in the second half. This simply should not have been the case. It doesnrsquo;t matter how badly the Tunes wanted it. It doesnrsquo;t matter that Michael Jordan was playing and that hersquo;s really, really good at basketball. It doesnrsquo;t even matter that Bill Murray came in as a last-minute substitute because Foghorn Leghorn got squashed one time too many. The simple fact is: THESE ALIENS WERE SUPER-STRONG GIANTS. Most of them were even taller than the basket. They could have simply lobbed the ball overhead to each other over and over again, scored 300 points, and called it a night. Yet they lost anyway because they got lazy near the end and let a bunch of drawings plus Bill Murray score on them at will. They deserved whatever punishment awaited them back at their home planet; itrsquo;s the least that can happen after disgracing oddly shaped muscled-bound freaks everywhere. 2. Zim (Invader Zim) Irkins, the alien race Zim is a member of, devote their entire lives and planet to organizing and executing endless invasions of other planets. Thatrsquo;s pretty much all they do, as intergalactic planetary invasion tends to leave very little time for side hobbies like fly-fishing or sticking small models of boats into large bottles. The Irkins are quite successful in what they do, except for Zim. Simply put, Zim is a complete idiot who has no idea how to handle anything resembling an alien invasion. He thinks absolutely nothing through in any wa...